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Welcome to Aardvark Archie's Guide to FUNNY QUOTES , the site that knows a funny quote when it hears one!
For the best in Adult funny quotes and really humorous quotations and witticism, just click on the links below to get viewing some of the funniest quotations, funny celebrity insults and adult humor around! |
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Funny Quotes |
| 1. |
"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something..."
Emo Philips. |
| 2. |
"People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"
Emo Philips. |
| 3. |
"Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."
Emo Philips. |
| 4. |
"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
Emo Philips. |
| 5. |
"I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
Emo Philips. |
| 6. |
"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil."
Emo Philips. |
| 7. |
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips. |
| 8. |
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas..."
Emo Philips. |
| 9. |
"I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy."
Emo Philips. |
| 10. |
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
Emo Philips. |
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