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Funny Quotes |
| 21. |
"I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference."
Emo Philips. |
| 22. |
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Emo Philips. |
| 23. |
"I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me."
Emo Philips. |
| 24. |
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Emo Philips. |
| 25. |
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."
Emo Philips. |
| 26. |
"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."
Emo Philips. |
| 27. |
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Emo Philips. |
| 28. |
"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."
Emo Philips. |
| 29. |
"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Emo Philips. |
| 30. |
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
Emo Philips. |
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