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Funny Quotes |
| 31. |
"Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'."
Joan Rivers. |
| 32. |
"I'm going home next week. It's a kind of energency - my parents are coming here."
Rita Rudner |
| 33. |
"Somewhere on this earth, every ten seconds, a woman gives birth to a child. We must find that woman and stop her."
Sam Levenson |
| 34. |
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years."
Mark Twain. |
| 35. |
"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."
Rodney Dangerfield. |
| 36. |
"Mother Nature is wonderful. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turing them into teenagers."
Eugene Bertin |
| 37. |
"The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson."
Woody Allen. |
| 38. |
"If a man smiles in his own house someone is sure to ask him for money."
William Feather |
| 39. |
"My parents used to beat the shit out of me. And, looking back on it, I'm glad they did. I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my own kids, for no reason whatsoever."
Denis Leary. |
| 40. |
"Remember, blood is not only much thicker than water, it's much more difficult to get out of the carpet."
Phyllis Diller |
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